And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
