We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i came on her dog
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
