Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
