I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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