I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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