I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
