This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Bring me that man meat
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
