How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
