im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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