the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
