Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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