I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
