I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
