Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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