Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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