Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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