Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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