Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
