ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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