But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
