dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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