i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
