y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
