So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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