But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
