at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
