I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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