I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
