Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
