White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
