gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We got so high we made milksteak
Come see our sink grown plant.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
