My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
