I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
