You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
