She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
