My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
