Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
