dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
