dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
