If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
