it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
