I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize