My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
