Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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