worst night to have a conscience
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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