there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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