pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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