You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
