Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
