I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think my moral compass just broke
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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