he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
