Sry I called you an 8
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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