if i can run in heels then i can drive
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
