If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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