why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
